Toilet Paper 2: The Attack (3/14/07 - 5/31/07)


Chapter 1: Payper's Back

Woody was watching the news one day in his lab behind the Hollywood sign. The news was doing a special on Payper, the evil toilet paper Woody accidentally created. They were going to the morgue, where Payper was. Woody kept watching. Then they got to that drawer where Payper's body was. The reporter opened it up, and Payper jumped out and bit the reporter's neck. The reporter sunk down to the floor.

"Ha! I'm back from the dead!" exclaimed Payper. The camera turned to static.

Woody's phone rang, so Woody answered it. It was John.

"Did you just see that!" he said. "Payper's alive!"

"I know," said Woody. "It's horrible."

"Well, at least he's only a toilet paper roll," said John. If a toilet paper was down to the roll, it was completely vulnerable.

"Yeah, but he could bite other toilet paper," said Woody.

"Yeah, but we'll kill him, Woody, don't worry," said John.

Meanwhile, Payper had stealthily made his way into the toilet paper section of the market. Payper began to bite all the toilet papers in the aisle. Now he had an army, so he led them to the Hollywood sign. "Attack the man behind the sign!" commanded Payper.

Woody, inside, heard a thud coming. He hid under a desk.

Then, the toilet papers bursted into the room. "Where is he?" shouted one. The toilet papers began to search for him. They searched above desks, inside desks, in front of desks, and behind desks, but they couldn't find Woody.

Woody himself had a plan to get rid of these papers, but he needed a foghorn. Woody had been doing some experiments lately and found that foghorn sounds stun toilet papers for a few moments. Woody kept hidden though, because the toilet paper could easily overpower him.

Then one toilet paper decided to look under the desk. "Eeep! Eeep! I found the guy!" he eeped to his fellow toilet papers. The other toilet papers came rushing over. Then, they all jumped on Woody and tried to climb to his neck and head. Woody came out from under the desk and rushed over to his foghorn. He blew the horn, and the toilet papers all fell off of him.

"This thing's almost out of juice," said Woody. Woody then rushed out of his lab.

Woody would run to his shelter, where John and Matt would probably be looking for some swords. Yet, when Woody arrived at the shelter, John and Matt were no where in sight. Then Woody found a note scribbled on toilet paper. It read, "If you want to see John and Matt again, come to your lab at 4:30. Do not bring a sword or a foghorn."


Chapter 2: Four-Thirty

Payper said to his men, "I am now only a toilet paper roll. So each of you must donate at least one sheet of paper to me a day, or else. That is all."

"But what if we don't want to donate a sheet?" asked a toilet paper.

"Then you - oh, it's four-thirty! Woody should be here any moment now!"

A few toilet papers brought up the captured John and Matt closer to the door. They had captured them just yesterday, using state of the art technology: a net. Then there was a knock on the door, and Payper rushed up to get it, tripping over John's foot.

"Very funny," said Payper. Payper then opened the door, and sure enough, Woody entered the lab.

"You know you're incredibly vulnerable, don't you?" said Woody.

"Well you can't hurt me because you didn't bring a sword, so ha ha!" said Payper.

"Ha ha? Don't you mean ow?" asked Woody.

"What?" said a confused Payper.

Woody took out the sword he was hiding and swung furiously. Payper, caught offguard, nearly got hit. "How dare you!" he shouted. Then he ordered, "Attack the hostages!"

"No, don't" said John, but them papers didn't care. They attacked John like a piece o' underwear. Or...wait. What? Anyway, John shook his body and tried to get the toilet papers to fall off of him, but they wouldn't fall.

Woody ran over to John's chair, but the toilet papers jumped on Woody. "Get them off!" yelled Woody. He ran around in squares. "Help me! Save me!" Woody dropped his sword and kept running around in squares.

John, seeing the dropped sword, tried to grab it with his foot. He slowly moved it (with his foot) toward him and then flipped it up. The sword cut through the rope and set him free! John then picked up the sword and cut Matt free. "Tanks," said Matt.

John then began to unroll toilet papers. Then he struck the rolls with his sword. Doing so, he rescued Woody. Payper, unfortunately, got away.

Payper rushed to the back exit he made in case things went wrong. His plan had failed, but some toilet papers followed him out the back exit and into the sewers.

"This will be our new base!" he announced from a podium. "And this podium will be all mine! But... you must donate some toilet paper to me right now or else."

"But what if-?" asked a toilet paper.

"No what ifs! I want paper now!" interrupted Payper.

So the papers gave up their paper and gave it to Payper, and Payper became stronger.

"And now I shall reveal my plan to all!" shouted Payper. "I will flood the city! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha funny monkey monkey ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha rat meat ha ha ha ha cough!"

So Payper figured some stuff out and all the toilet papers hid in the non-wet zone. Then they city got flooded.


Chapter 3: Flood

Just as Woody, John, and Matt got back to the shelter, Woody felt water on the ground. "Is it me or is the ground damp?" asked Woody.

"Oh who cares about damp ground," said Matt. "We've got bigger problems on our hands. Like the foghorn just ran out of juice."

"Okay then," said John. "Let's go to the store."

John opened the exit door of the shelter and saw water in the streets. "Uh... when were we flooded?" he asked.

"Payper must have done this!" shouted Woody. "Let's get him!"

"But where is he?" asked John.

"Hmm... well... where could he have flooded the city from?" asked Matt.

John looked down at the water. Suddenly the water flashed yellow. "He's trying to electrocute anyone who goes in the water," said Jonh. "So I'm gonna assume he's underground in a non-wet zone in the sewers."

"Of course!" said Woody. "But how do we get down there?"

"I have an idea," said Matt. "Why can't we just swim down there?"

John slapped Matt. "Let's make a boat," said John. "Then we should sail to high ground."

"The Hollywood sign is on high ground," said Woody. "Oh why couldn't we have just stayed there?"

"Let's just make a boat," said John.

So the three made a small wooden boat, then let it loose in the water. They got on. "Now how do we move it through the water?" asked Matt.

"Hmm... I guess we have to use our hands," said Woody. "Just don't get electrocuted because it may hurt."

"You mean will," said John.

"May," stated Woody.

So they paddled away, working their way around buildings, streets, and drowning people. Then suddenly, when they were floating over a field, the electricity began building up in front of the boat. It appeared to be forming a face and arms. "Monster!" shouted Matt. John looked at it and saw an evil electric face with evil electric arms. It shot electricity at the boat.

"ROW!" shouted John, but they couldn't row or else they'd be shocked, and if they got shocked it may have hurt. Yet, they rowed with their hands and did not get shocked.

"That building!" exclaimed Matt. "I used to work at that building! Batteries and Co!" He pointed to it. "They keep their batteries on da roof, foo!"

"Well, how do we get up there?" asked Woody. "The door's blocked by water."

"We climb!" shouted John, as he jumped off the boat and onto the building. He then placed his foot on a ledge and his hands on a pipe. He then began to climb up the pipe.

"Is he crazy?" said Matt. "I'm not climbing that."

"Well John is, so we lazy bums don't have to," said Woody.

"What do lazy and bum mean?" asked Matt.

Just then, the electricity monster threw an electric bolt at the pipe John was climbing. The pipe broke and began to fall off the building. As it fell, John was just able to jump onto a ledge. From there, he sidled to another pipe. John then climbed up this pipe, sweat pouring through the pores of his skin. As he used what little strength he had to pull himself up, the electric monster tried to knock down this new pipe. John tried to ignore this fatal distraction, but he couldn't help but worry for his life.

Now John was about halfway up the pipe, and he was already almost out of strength. He rested his foot on a ledge, and he caught his breath. The electricity monster used this time to throw an electric bolt at John. John ducked, so the electric bolt hit a spot above his head. This caused part of the ledge above him to crumble, and John jumped back on the pipe to avoid getting hit by these crumbs. He then resumed climbing the pipe.

"Look at him go!" exclaimed Matt.

"Yes, but how is he gonna get down?" asked Woody.

John was almost to the top of the building now. His strength was almost completely dry. John dared not to look behind him, for he might see an electric bolt aimed at him. He needed to have no worry or pain. He would not give up until he defeated Payper!

Thinking of defeating Payper regained John's strength, and he began to climb up the pipe more rapidly than ever before. He made it to the top and... John saw no batteries.

"Oh, RACDROPS!!!" shouted John at the top of his lungs. John then began to kick everything on the roof. He kicked the TV satellite, the wind compass, the cup-o-meter, and then a box. And in that box were batteries.

"Oh," said John. He grabbed a box of batteries and chucked it down to the boat. Then John himself grabbed some batteries and chucked some at the monster.

"ROAR!" roared the monster when it got hit. He chucked an electric bolt at John, but John dodged it and threw another battery. Again, the monster, "ROAR!" John noticed that for every battery thrown, the monster got smaller. The three kept throwing batteries, and eventually, the monster was gone.

"How do I get down?" yelled John from the roof.

"Jump," said Matt.

So John jumped into the boat and nearly broke his leg. The three then sailed to the Hollywood sign.


Chapter 4: The Sewers

The three exited the boat and walked onto land. Woody, John, and Matt then went into Woody's lab.

"There must be a back exit," said Woody. "And it most likely leads to the sewers."

Meanwhile, in the sewers, Payper addressed his papers. "Papers, Woody is approaching. We must sharpen our senses, and we most definitely should sharpen our fangs."

"Payper," said a toilet paper, "we are in a non-wet-zone. To get here, you must go through the sewers. The sewers are filled with water, and the water gives an electric shock every five seconds."

"Yes, but they're the good guys," said Payper. "Good guys always win."

Outside the sewers, in Woody's lab, Woody, John, and Matt were looking down a hole. "There's just more water," said John. "There's no way we'll get to a non-wet zone without dying."

"What if I make a submarine?" asked Woody.

"Okay, that works," said John.

"Yeah, I know it works, foo! Don't insult me!" said Woody.

"When did I insult you?" asked John.

"When? Exactly," said Woody.

John didn't speak to Woody afterward because he knew he'd be told off. Wow, scientists really were mad.

So Woody made the submarine and John, Woody, and Matt got inside it. They were now navigating the sewers.

Meanwhile, Payper was watching the security cameras, and on one he saw a submarine. "He made a submarine!" cried Payper in disbelief. There was no point in keeping the water now.

Of course, Payper wasn't seeing the whole story. Inside the submarine, there was a major crisis going on. Specifically, the submarine was running out of oxygen. "We're gonna die!" cried Matt. But they didn't die. They got lucky, and the water sunk. "We's alive" said Matt. The three climbed out and breathed in air.

"Now to find Payper," said John. John, Matt, and Woody made their way to a non-wet zone. It was a long path, one that included rats, bats, cats, gnats, hats, Matts, and of course a man that wants to massage your back with a chainsaw. Then finally they got to a door saying "Non-wet Zone". The three entered.

"Welcome," said Payper as they entered.

"Oh hi," said Matt.

"You've been invited... to your death!" said Payper. Then, out of no where came a bunch of toilet papers. They jumped onto Woody and John and tried to bite them.

"I wish I had a foghorn," said Woody.

Matt just stood there. "Aren't you gonna help us?" asked John.

"No," said Matt.

Then a toilet paper bit Woody. Woody said, "Kill." Woody drew a sword.

"Oh my frog," shouted John. He wiggled out of all the toilet papers on him and then ran for his life. Matt stuck around though.

"Why aren't you running?" asked Payper.

"What's to run for?" asked Matt. "I'm wearing an evil spirit catcher."

"Like those things work," said Payper. Then he commanded to Woody, "Kill Matt."

Woody walked up to Matt, holding his sword, but Matt touched Woody. Matt created another Woody by touching the evil Woody. This made the good Woody come out of the evil Woody. "Ha!" shouted Woody. "I'm alive!"

Woody and Matt looked at the other Woody then. This Woody was on his knees and was turning into a liquid. Strangely, some of the toilet papers were getting sucked into this liquid.

Then, the evil Woody turned back into a solid. He got up from the ground and threw off his glasses. Then evil Woody said, "Do not call me Woody, for I am Hunter now. I will hunt any being who opposes me. And Payper shall be my master." Payper jumped onto Hunter's arm.

"Still not running?" asked Payper to Matt.

"What's to be afraid of?" asked Matt.

"Boo!" said Hunter.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Matt, and Matt ran for his life.


Chapter 5: Picking a Horn

Woody, Matt, and John went to the foghorn store, which just opened. "Which foghorn should we buy?" asked Matt.

"What do you mean?" asked John, but then he looked around the store and saw hundreds of different foghorns in the store.

John walked up to the owner. "You redid the place?" asked John.

"Yep," said the owner. "I just reopened the store a few minutes ago. That's why the store was closed."

"I thought it was closed because of the flood," said John.

"There was a flood?" asked the owner.

"Yeah..." said John. "Where were you for the last three hours?"

"In here," said the owner.

So Matt, John, and Woody shopped. They came up with three foghorns as finalists. "We can only take one," said Matt.

John said, "Well, Energy brand foghorn has a battery that keeps going and going."

Woody said, "Well, Tyrant brand foghorn has a powerful horn that can be heard from a mile away."

Then Matt said," Well Dufus brand foghorn makes a funny sound when you press on the button. And it makes dogs go CRAZY!"

"How do you know?" asked John.

"Because my brain is the size of a dog's," said Matt.

"Doubt it," said Woody.

"So that's out," said John. "So it comes down to Tyrant and Energy," said John.

"Tyrant! Tyrant! Tyrant!" chanted Matt.

"Fine," said John. "We'll buy Tyrant."

The three brought Tyrant brand foghorn to the counter to pay for it. Then they figured out they had no money. "Ooh," said the checker-outer. "You can't buy this without money. Unless you play our fabulous new checking-outing game! First try is free. Subsequent tries cost five bucks."

"I'll play," said John.

"Now this is all you have to do," said the cashier. "See that bottle on the other side of the store? You have to get a ring around it. This will activate the train-set on the ceiling. Now hit this button immediately when it hits that red line there, and it'll launch the train-set at my head, knocking myself out, and you'll be able to get free stuff."

"That's...complicated," said John. "But I'll try." John picked up a ring and hit the cashier on the head with it. "Let's go!" said John, and they ran.


Chapter 6: Papers Invade the Movies

"I have a plan!" said Payper to his papers. "We take over the movies! Then we tell America that if you people make me your dictator, we'll give your movies back. My plan is brilliant!"

"Yes master," said the toilet papers.

When they got to a filming studio, the papers burned it down. Then the toilet papers got on TV. "If you want to keep the movies, make me your dictator!" said Payper.

Woody, John, and Matt saw this on TV. "Not good," said John. "We must go there and sotp the papers."

They weren't allowed in, of course. "You don't look like Owen Wilson," said the guard. So, if he wouldn't let him in, John could just attack him. John took out a fire extinguisher. "HEY!" said the guard. "Stop the violence. You three kinda look like Owen Wilson now."

"Oh, seriously," asked Matt.

John dropped the fire extinguisher and it fell on the guard's foot. The three ran in the studio and saw two ninjas fighting. "Awesome," said Matt. "But um... how come they're not in slow motion?"

John then looked up at the top of a building. There, he saw Payper, aiming a rocket cannon at the two ninjas. "Oh my frog!" said John, and he dove onscreen and tackled the ninjas. Just a few seconds afterward, a rocket cannon ammo bullet destroyed the road the ninjas were fighting on.

Up on the building, Payper was angry. "That was the last of my ammo!" he shouted. "Well, I'll get that John! Ha!" Hunter walked over to Payper. "You! Hunter! Get rid of John!" Hunter jumped down off the building.


Chapter 7: Fight Through Hollywood

John saw Hunter. "Who's that?" he asked.

"Oh, he's Hunter," said Matt. "He's here to destroy us."

"Oh," said John. "Wait... destroy... us?"

Hunter did a slow motion kick and kicked John. John got knocked back into a small pond. And although this pond was small, it was also deep. John tried to swim back up to the surface of the lake, but Hunter jumped in. Hunter tried to knock John out underwater, but John kicked Hunter and swam to the surface.

On the water's surface was a seaplane. John grabbed onto the landing thing. Hunter swam over to the other one as the plane took off. John began to swing back and forth and then kicked Hunter. Hunter nearly fell off, but didn't. Then, Hunter kicked John's arm. John lost grip of the landing thing with his left arm and was now only hanging on with one arm. John tried grabbing the landing thing again, but his right hand let go, and John fell onto a ship.

John got up and saw Hunter right in front of him. Hunter and John both drew a sword. John ducked under Hunter's swing and ran for that ladder that leads to the captain's lookout. He began to climb it, and Hunter quickly followed him. Then Hunter grabbed John's foot. John kicked Hunter's head and Hunter fell a little bit. John climbed up to about halfway when Hunter shook the ladder. John fell onto the ship's mast. Hunter then climbed up and jumped on the mast.

The two began to sword fight on the mast. Of course, sword fights are boring when you write about them. However, the boat sailed into the rapids, knocking John off the mast. Fortunately, John didn't have a long way to fall. John, after landing back on the main ship, looked over the edge of the ship. "Waterfall!" shouted John. John immediately jumped off the boat and grabbed onto a rock in the water. He hugged this rock as he watched the boat - and Hunter - go over the waterfall.

Meanwhile, Payper threw a match at a building. Not only this building burned down, but the whole Hollywood. "Someone stop him!" shouted Matt. But it was too late. Hollywood was turned ash.

"So where did Payper go?" asked Matt.

"Well, let's look around," said Woody. So Woody and Matt walked toward where Payper threw the match.

"No one's here," said Woody.

"Yeah, but do you smell burning paper?" asked Matt. "Or more specifically, toilet paper?"

Out of no where came five on-fire toilet papers. They jumped toward Woody and Matt, but Matt and Woody ran. "We have to find somewhere safe," said Matt. "Like... um... a cave?"

"Hey, look! I see a cave!" said Woody.

So the two ran in  it. "Hey look!" said Matt. "A random button!" Matt pressed it.

Outside, on a rock, John and the rock sunk into the ground. John saw Matt and Woody. "Hey guys," said John.

Suddenly, toilet papers on-fire began to walk over to the cave. "They're coming," whispered Woody to John and Matt. "We have to go into the cave."

"What if we get lost?" asked John.

"Who cares," said Woody.

The three ran into the cave.


Chapter 8: The Cave

Hunter was falling down and down after the boat went over the waterfall. He grabbed on a pole as it went down, and then near bottom, kicked away from the boat, landed in the water, and survived the fall. Then he saw an entrance to a cave...

As John, Woody, and Matt walked deeper into the dark cave, nothing interesting happened. I'm serious, nothing interesting happened. So, I'll clue you in on those interesting things.

John carried a lit torch through the cave. "Where'd you get that torch?" asked Matt.

"From the mummy," replied John.

"There was a mummy!" shouted Matt.

"Yeah, it was found right after the shark pit," said John.

"There was a shark pit too!" shouted Matt.

"Nah, I'm just joking with you," said John. "There wasn't really a mummy or shark pit."

"Wait... then where'd you get that torch?" asked Matt.

"I don't know," said John.

Suddenly, bats came out of no where and flew down at the three. "BATS!" shouted Woody. "Ahhhh! We're all gonna die!"

"No we're not," said Matt, taking out a shotgun.

"Where'd you get that shotgun?" asked Woody.

"From the barber," said Matt. "He said he used it to kill O.J.'s Simpson's wife."


That bats then saw Matt's shotgun, and fled like the mongrels they were.

"I'm getting tired," said Woody. He sat down on a rock.

"Yeah, me too," said Matt, and he sat down on a different rock.

"I'll keep guard then, I guess," said John.

Matt and Woody then fell asleep, and both of them had pretty strange sleeptalking like, "Ow! This rock is sharp!" or "My back is bleeding!" or "Fun time is everyday now, giggle giggle, with the new teddy bear, giggle giggle." Now, John didn't really know what two out of those last three quotes meant, but he though, *who cares about sleeptalking?*

Meanwhile, Hunter was approaching. He saw John awake, so he darted him with a sleep dart. Hunter then took John, Matt, and Woody to Payper.


Chapter 9: Dungeoned

John awoke in a dungeon. There, in front of him was Hunter and Payper. "One is awake."

"Should I knock him out with a sleep dart?" asked Hunter.

"No," said Payper, with a camera extremely close to his head. "Hunt him."

Hunter understood. He took John to the woods, gave him a ten second headstart, and then took out a bow and arrow.

John ran behind a tree. He'd be safe for five seconds. Then, an arrow seemed to come from no where. It was so close to jis face that John licked the arrow. The arrow didn't taste like cinnamon.

"Yuck," said John. "That arrow tastes like splinters in wood!"

John clutched a branch on the tree he was next and then pulled himself up. Hunter came over. "I know you're here!" he shouted. Suddenly, John's branch he was standing on began to crack. Hunter assumed it was the birds, so he no-no-care. Then the branch broke off from the tree and fell on Hunter's foot. John ran to a pond.

Meanwhile, back in the dungeon, Woody and Matt woke up. Payper, outside the dungeon, said to them, "You can't get out of here. My security system is impenetrable. The only way anyone can get out of there is with a key." Payper showed them a key.

"Do you still have Tyrant?" asked Woody to Matt. Matt gave it to him and Woody sprayed the foghorn. Payper was knocked unconscious.

Woody stuck his hands through the dungeon bars and grabbed the key. He then unlocked the dungeon cage. Matt and Woody were free.

"What do we do with Payper's unconscious body?" asked Matt.

"Unroll him, then stab him," said Woody. Matt then began to unroll Payper, but as he did, he heard a beeping sound. Matt looked in Payper's hand, and saw a mini-TNT!

"Oh my frog!" shouted Woody. "How did he..."

"I'm awake fools!" said Payper. "I'm too powerful for even Tyrant!"

"Wait... then why'd you let us escape and unroll you?" asked Matt.

Payper grabbed the unrolled paper and said, "Because I'm one-hundred percent retarded." Payper turned into a baked bean shape. Then, the TNT blew up.

Back in the woods, John was running for his life. It seemed like Hunter would never run out of arrows. John was nearing the pond now, and just when he was about to jump in it, his foot was hit with an arrow. John fell over and cried, "Ow! Ow! My foot!"

Luckily, John was just being a big baby because the arrow actually only hit his shoe, not his foot. But Hunter walked over anyways, and aimed at John's head form point blank range. But then out of no where, John heard a quiet horn sound, and Hunter collapsed.

Back at the dungeon, Matt and Woody were caught in the explosion. Matt was knocked back into a wall. Woody liked the heat of the explosion, but he too, was knocked into the wall. Specifically into the Owen Wilson poster.

Finally, the explosion was over, and Payper was gone.

Meanwhile, in the woods, John took the arrow out of his shoe. He chucked it away. "Ha! I'm alive!"

John walked away from Hunter and toward some other place. He didn't know where he was going, except away from Hunter.

Then Hunter woke up. He grabbed his bow and shot an arrow at John. John heard the rustling of the air and ducked. The arrow missed him.

Then Hunter got up. He ran after John, but John ran for the pond. John jumped in it and swam to the bottom. Hunter attempted to shoot John from above the surface, but he failed. Hunter then realized John would have to come to the surface to breathe.

John, underwater, was actually going for a world record. He had hired some World Record people to come to this spot. They were also holding their breath underwater, and they were recording using a cell phone camera.

Meanwhile, Hunter waited and waited and waited. Never seeing John again, Hunter assumed he had drowned. Hunter left.

John did almost drown, but just as he was, he came up for air. He did not beat the world record.


Chapter 10: ¿Dónde Está?

Matt and Woody broke out of the lair of Payper, which was actually Coca-Cola Inc. So Matt and Woody hurried back inside and got a soda. They walked across the street, Woody taking note of a toilet paper attacking some guy's car.

"Look at the toilet paper," said Woody.

Matt looked. "The toilet paper looks dead," he said.

"By golly, you're right!" said Woody. "That foghorn must've knocked him out!"

Matt walked over to the stagnant car and took the toilet paper off of it. "Hey Woody," said Matt, "catch." Matt chucked the toilet paper at Woody, and Woody caught it. Woody threw it back to Matt and he caught it. It was only a matter of time until Matt and Woody played baseball with it. Woody won one-thousand-three-hundred-fifty-five to zero... they only played two innings though.

"I wonder where John is," said Matt.

"I wonder where Payper is," said Woody.

Suddenly, the toilet paper Matt and Woody were playing ball with woke up. Then, they watched as houses, buildings, cars, and even PepsiCo factories were lit on-fire.

"¿Hablas español?" asked the toilet paper.

"No," said Matt as Woody said, "Sí, señor."

"Well, Payper keeps track of who we talk to and what we say, but he doesn't understand Spanish," whispered the paper to Woody and Matt.

"¿Por qué ayudas nosotros?" asked Woody (Why do you help us?)

"Porque," said the paper (Because).

"¿Cómo te llamas?" asked Woody (What's your name?)

"Me llamo Videon," said Videon (My name is Videon).

"¿Dónde está Payper, Videon?"

Videon pressed a button on a mike on his paper. Then Videon said, "Él está cerca del lago" (He is near the lake).

"¿El lago?" said Woody (The lake?). Woody and Matt headed to the lake, and slowly following behind them was Videon.

On the way, they stopped at... oh who cares.


Chapter 11: The Lake

Once they arrived at the lake, Woody took off his glasses in slow motion. Then he put them back on.

Meanwhile, John was running from a pride of lions that were chasing him. He was running toward a waterfall, where he saw a vine that could grab onto as the lion went down. John then jumped off a cliff, grabbed a vine, swung out, and watched as all the lions didn't fall down the waterfall. Then John realized the vine he was on was a snake.

"Nuts," said John as he lost grip of the snake and fell into the lake below. He grabbed onto a random floating piece of wood in the water and sat on it.

Meanwhile, Matt and Woody saw Payper walking into an outhouse. "He must be biting the toilet papers in the outhouse!" said Woody.

"There actually isn't toilet paper in there," said Matt.

Matt and Woody then walked over to the outhouse. The door was locked so they waited until the door burst open with Payper and... nothing else.

"Crud," said Payper. "You kind of caught me at a bad time here...um..." Payper held down a button on a Walkie-Talkie that he pulled out of hammerspace. "Reinforcements! Every toilet paper alive, come to the lake, or else you'll be executed!"

"Oh nose," said Matt. Payper used this time of shock to run.

"He's getting away!" shouted Woody.

Woody and Matt ran after Payper, but Payper was already in the woods. "You'll never catch me now!" exclaimed Payper. But then just as they were about to lose sight of Payper, someone grabbed him. A human. Seriously, do I have to explain more? You already know who I'd be talking about. The garbage man, of course! Oh wait... I mean... John... yeah, John grabbed Payper.

"Put me down!" shouted Payper.

"Why?" asked John.

"Because...um... I'm more powerful than you!" said Payper.

"Okay then... escape my grip," said John.

Payper squirmed and wiggled, but he couldn't escape John's grip. Then, after he realized he was physically unable to complete this task, Payper countersaid, "I don't need to."

Then, coming from all directions came hundreds of toilet papers.

"They show up all al the same time!?!" shouted Matt. "Dat make no sense!"

"Yes, I know!" said Payper, still in John's arms.

Suddenly, someone fired an arrow at John. John used Payper as a shield.

"Ow!" screeched Payper, the arrow entering his paper. Payper grabbed the arrow and pulled it out of himself. "What's with the arrows!" he shouted. "Just bite him!"

All the toilet papers charged at John, and John froze. They all jumped up in the air, mouths open with the fangs sticking out, ready to bite. John's life didn't even have a chance to flash before his eyes. John even saw the one closest to him, the one that would bite him. This one looked different from the rest. What was it about him, anyway? Was it how his fangs weren't sticking out of his mouth?

Then the paper latched onto John and pressed a button on its paper. A force field surrounded John, knocking all the other toilet papers, except Payper, back. "My name's Videon," said this paper.

"How dare you betray me!" yelled Payper to Videon.

"What was that, anyway?" asked John to Videon.

"A force field device," said Videon. "I sto - took it from Payper."

"When did I ever have a force field device?" questioned Payper. "Oh, whatever. And why are my papers just standing there? Attack John, Woody, and Matt!"

Matt and Woody were immediately charged at by the papers. "Where's the foghorn?" asked Woody to Matt.

"Right here," said Matt, taking out Tyrant brand foghorn. He pressed down on the button on the foghorn, but it only made a squeaking sound. "It's out already!" cried Matt.

"So, what do we do?" asked Woody.

"Run!" shouted Matt, and Matt and Woody ran for life.

Meanwhile, John had an idea. "I need a match," he said to Videon.

"Right here!" said Videon, as he pulled a match out of hammerspace.

John lit the match and chucked it at the papers. The ground burned, and so did every toilet paper except Payper and Videon.

"Oh nose!" shouted Matt. "We be surrounded by fiya!"

"Listen, this fire is here to help us, not kill us," said Woody.

The fire began to close in on them.

"Me be scared," said Matt.

Then Matt and Woody heard John's voice. He said, "Throw the beans in the lake!"

"Okays," said Matt. He grabbed a bean, and began to chuck the beans in the lake.

Meanwhile, John, outside the ring of fire, watched as the baked beans turned into toilet paper as they hit the lake. The toilet papers then boiled in the lake, then got eaten by a shark.

"Nooooo!" cried Payper.

"You're next," said John.

After all of the beans were gone, John called upon the highly extinguished firemen. It took them an hour to get there though, since they were on their coffee and donuts break. When they did get there though, they put the sucker-up water thing in the lake and extinguished the fire. Then they left immediately for Dunkin' Donuts.

Now only two toilet papers in the entire world were alive. And the shark in the lake was hungry for one more. "What's with that shark stalking us?" asked Matt to no one in particular.

"He feels like stalking us, and not only that, but he likes the taste of toilet paper," said Videon.

"If I survive this, I'm gonna get you, Videon!" said Payper. "I'm gonna get you!"

John dropped Payper into the shark that was stalking them's mouth. The shark chewed for a few seconds, then spit out Payper's crown. Videon caught it.

"So...where are you gonna live?" asked John.

"Well...um...can I crash at your people's place?" asked Videon.


Chapter 12: Videon at Place

Videon knocked on the door at eight o'clock p.m, and John answered it. All Videon had was Payper's crown, which was on his head. "Where do I sleep?" he asked.

Suddenly the police burst into the shelter. Videon hid his head in his paper to make him look not-alive.

"Is Woody here?" asked a policeman.

Woody walked over to the police. "What?" he asked.

"You're under arrest!" they said.

"Oh...uh... well, can I resist arrest by punching one of you and then running, knowing I'll obviously be caught again?" asked Woody.

"Sure," said the cop. "But make it quick."

"Oh nose!" said Matt. "Woody's arrested!"

"Don't worry 'bout a thing," said John. "Woody's smart. He'll make it out."

After all the police had searched the house for toilet paper - alive, toilet paper - they left, completely ignoring Videon. One guy even tripped over him!

"Sleep in the basement for now," said John.

Videon then walked over to the door leading to the basementm but when he did, he tripped and dropped an item out of his paper. Videon quickly grabbed it and put it away.

"What was that?" asked John.

"Nothing," responded Videon. "That was nothing a'tall." Videon then went down the stairs into the basement of the shelter.

"What could that have been?" asked John to Matt.

"Me no know," said Matt.

"Well, it was probably just ointment or something embarassing like that," said John.

But it wasn't ointmenet...

Meanwhile, it was nighttime at the lake. Out of the darkness... err.. woods came Hunter. He blew a whistle and the shark that was previously stalking John, Woody, Matt, and Videon came to the surface. Hunter stuck out his hand to the shark. There was something in this hand. A shark treat. The shark ate the treat, and then Hunter began to pet the shark.

"Good boy," said Hunter. "Now every paper is dead...except Videon. Sharky, get ready for a feast of toilet paper."

"You're a toilet paper too," said the shark.

"You can talk?" questioned Hunter.

"No," said the voice in the shark.


To be continued...