Stanley Stenchar (2/27/08 - 3/18/08)


Stenchars (sten•char or stench-are) are a race of little white men on the Moon. They can go through any material except glass, since glass is their mortal enemy. Recent reports claim that stenchars who attempted to go through glass died trying to go through.

Since stenchars can go through any material, it would seem only natural that they would live underground. Apparently, under the surface of the Moon, there are entire cities of stenchars!

Stenchars speak through the language of Eepish, a language which may sound like "Eep" being constantly said over and over again, but is actually full sentences and phrases to stenchars.

The stenchars believe in atheists, believing that all atheists are gods and control everything. So naturally, they're all atheists.

One tale is really popular among stenchars. It is called "Stanley Stenchar":

*****

Stanley Stenchar was a stenchar. He worked in the United States of the Moon's Department of Prevention of Human Discovery. Humans had already landed on the Moon, but during that time they told all stenchars to remain underground no matter what. Since then, they had shot down a human space shuttle, killing those inside, but at least it prevented their discovery.

One day, the stenchars were having a conference about the matter. This took place in a large establishment similar to the Capitol Building.

"Why do we remain secret?" questioned Stanley. "What's the big deal, anyway?"

"The humans would wage war on us if they knew of us!" shouted Senator Eepchar.

"You know we could just go through their skin, then eat their hearts, right?" asked Stanley.

"That...is a good idea," realized Senator Eepchar. "But isn't that kind of mean to the humans?"

"Uh...who cares?" said Stanley.

"Rightio, then," said Senator Eepchar. "So, you're saying let's kill all the humans?"

"Yes," said Stanley.

*****

The next day, Stanley was attempting to recruit stenchars to kill the humans. He put up Uncle Stan posters everywhere he could, and aired commercials on TV about how awesome it would be to kill humans. Those who signed up went to a training facility where robot humans attacked them, and they needed to jump into their chests and shut off a circuit there.

"Excellent," said Stanley, observing the training.

Then, suddenly, Senator Eepchar approached him. "Sir! We just spotted a human vessel approaching! It'll be here in two hours!"

"Can't we shoot the shuttle down with a missile?" suggested Stanley.

"No, it's too late for that," said Senator Eepchar. "The only option is for a stenchar to intercept the shuttle. Stanley, you know what to do."

Stanley jumped upward and materialized into molecules, sifting through the moon rock. He came up onto the surface, turning back into a stenchar, and looked around. He could see the space shuttle in the sky, smaller than a dot.

Stanley ran across the surface of the Moon until he got to a small lump in the ground and jumped in it, materializing through. He landed on a small spaceship concealed in the lump. He opened the blast-off hatch for the secret rocket ship with a secret remote and blasted off for the human shuttle.

Stanley Stenchar's shuttle arrived at the human's shuttle in less than twenty minutes. Stanley jumped through his ship's wall, into space, and into the human shuttle. Luckily, the humans didn't see him or the ship.

Stanley sneaked up behind one who was trying to squeeze food out of a toothpaste. Now, instead of just ripping out the guy's heart, Stanley had an idea. He could control the guy's brain to find out how many people were left on the shuttle. Of course, as soon as he left the guy's brain, he'd die because of a loss of brain cells, but who cared?

Stanley invaded his brain, and he knew immediately that there were seven crew members on the shuttle. Stan left the guy's body. Now there were six.

Stan stealthily sneaked around the shuttle until he saw two crew members talking. With a single jump, Stan materialized through one's chest, ripping it out of his veins and arteries as he went, and continued through to the other's chest, ripping down this one's heart also. When he landed back on the floor, the two humans fell straight to the ground.

One of the humans heard the thud of the humans and ran over to the room. Stan sifted into the floor, and it was like he wasn't even there. The human ran over to the dead crew members and began to check each's pulse. During this time, Stan materialized into the human's foot from the floor and moved all the way up through, until he got to its heart. He tore it it and exited the human's body.

There were three left. *This will be too easy*, thought Stan. He walked down a hallway to the captain's room.

"Not so fast, alien," said a human from behind. Stan turned around to see he was holding a gun. "I've been trying to find you aliens for a while now, but I've finally found you!" He fired at Stan, but Stan let the bullet go right through him. He fell down anyway to give the human the illusion that he was dead.

The human walked over to Stan and picked him up, and Stan immediately shot up into the human's brain and took over the human's body. He could use the gun.

Stan walked into the captain's room and he saw the last two humans. "Hey Roger, did you find that alien?" said one jokingly. "Hey...watch where you're pointing that..."

There were two quick flashes of light and sound, and then everyone in the shuttle was dead.

*****

Stanley arrived back on the Moon, where many stenchars greeted him. "We have decided that we will go to Earth now. We are ready."

Stanley turned around and looked at the shuttle he had safely brought back to the Moon (with his small space pod inside it). "How many stenchars could this shuttle hold?" he wondered aloud.

"Enough to obliterate the humans," said Senator Eepchar, coming forward.

"We have over 10 million stenchars trained," said General Sten. "And I'll bet that we can all fit in that shuttle."

"Well then, what're we waiting for?" said Stanley. "Let's go to Earth!"

*****

Local Scientist Smart couldn't believe it. The shuttle that had been sent to the Moon had landed safely back on Earth, and it was ahead of schedule! He and the other scientists ran to the ship to greet the astronauts.

The door to the ship opened, and the seven astronauts walked out of the shuttle, looking completely unscathed. But looks can be deceiving...

In actuality, the majority of the stenchars were either in the shuttle, or exiting the shuttle and materializing into the Earth's crust. Although a few stenchars actually occupied each of the seven humans! One controlled the brain and the others were inside, who were going to invade the next human who handshakes the crew member like a virus would. It was best for the humans to not even know about the stenchars at first.

Stanley controlled the human with the gun. He was not planning on using it, though, because that would ruin the stenchars' entire plan: to take control of the president's mind. The humans would be living in fear!

Stanley ordered three stenchars to leave the human's body and to invade the scientist's body. They did as they were told, and suddenly, the scientist stopped asking if they had completed the mission. Instead, he said, "Hu...I mean, why don't all y'all go out in the streets and celebrate!"

"What?" wondered the other scientists, but suddenly, one by one they changed their minds. "Yes...celebrate in the streets..."

The horror had just begun.

*****

Miles and miles away from all this, Jack Jackson, who worked on a farm, was inspecting his traps. He saw he only caught a rabbit, so he reset all his traps. Jack was walking back to his farm when he saw something as white as the Moon pop out of the ground.

"What is that?" wondered Jack. He walked closer to it and the creature jumped up into the air and disintegrated into his own skull. Then, Jack felt a pounding in his brain. The creature was trying to take over his brain! *There's no way I'm gonna let this happen!* thought Jack, and he fought the stenchar in his mind. The creature in his brain was telling him to just give in, but Jack wouldn't. He grunted, he yelled, and resisted, and the creature popped out of his skull.

*How can this be?* wondered the stenchar. *How could I not invade a human's mind?*

Jack fled. He ran the fastest he had ever in his life, for he knew if that...thing...caught up with him, he was dead. He had to tell the police, or post a picture of it on the Internet, or something!

He made it back into his house and locked the door. Jack picked up the phone immediately afterward, and dialed 9-1-1.

"Hello...officer? There's a little white man who's trying to take over my brain!" yelled Jack quickly.

"Ugh! Racist!" yelled the officer in disgust, and he hung up.

And only seconds later, the creature jumped through the door, as if it were only a cloud, and pounced into Jack's chest.

*****

The police arrived at the farm ten minutes later, after firing the easily offended officer. After ringing the doorbell a few times, the officers broke down the door to see a little white creature sucking the blood out of a dead human with its fangs. One officer immediately took out a camera and took a picture of the scene, which automatically sent the picture to the police station's computer.

"What is this?" asked the police station's general through a walkie-talkie.

"I don't know," said an officer back to him.

The other officer began to move closer to the creature, but he got too close, and the stenchar lunged at the officer's chest!

"The creature just...went straight through Rob's chest! I think...he might be dead! Except...there's no blood," said the officer into the walkie-talkie.

The police officer took out his gun and fired a few rounds at the stenchar, but they didn't hurt the stenchar at all! "How is this possible?" wondered the officer.

The stenchar lunged at the officer, but he dodged it and ran outside. He intended to run straight for his police car, but another stenchar blocked the way! More stenchars started to come up from the ground now, until the officer was surrounded by stenchars.

"What's going on?" asked the general from the walkie-talkie.

"I'm dead," said the officer.

"This is a Breaking News Report! I'm John Newsreport, giving you the news!...at whatever the cost..." said the TV. "The police station has reported that a strange, white creature has killed two of their officers. This picture has been released." The picture was shown on the TV screen. "One officer reported it jumped straight through the one other officer's chest. So until there's more information, keep living in fear, America!"

*****

Stanley, inside the human with other stenchars, had just gotten off a train at Washington D.C. His plan was to have the stenchars take over the minds of those in the House of Representatives and the Senate, and Stanley would take over the president's.

"Stenchars, leave now!" said Stanley, who was talking to the other stenchars through the human. Seconds afterward, hundreds of stenchars descended down the human's leg, into his feet, and into the ground. Six of the seven humans fell to the ground. Stanley was the only stenchar left in a human now. He took out the gun, shot the six fallen humans, then dropped a piece of paper on them, saying, "Stenchars did this."

Then he shot himself.

Stanley was all right, though. He materialized into the ground and headed underground to the White House. It was too easy.

Stanley came out of the ground and jumped right through the White House's walls to be in the oval office, where the President of the United States was sitting in his chair. Stanley jumped into his skull, invaded his brain, and Stan became the President of the United States.

The government had been taken over by stenchars.

*****

The next day, the president ordered he had an announcement to make so important that it needed to be broadcast on every television station at seven o'clock.

At seven o'clock that night, over 150 million Americans tuned in for the most life-changing speech of all time.

The president stood at a podium, surrounded by hundreds of people. There were security guards to the left and right of him, in case anyone tried to murder him. Not that it would matter.

"Good afternoon, America," siad the president. "I have ordered this announcement to inform you about...stenchars. Yes, these are the evil, little, white creatures that have been mysteriously killing a lot of people lately. They are undefeatable, so don't bother attacking them. If one targets you, you're dead. Possibly worse than dead if a stenchar takes over your mind. Oh and yes, stenchars can take over your mind. In fact..."

Stan jumped out of the President and onto the podium, making the President fall to the floor. "I'm a stenchar who killed the president and took over his mind!"

The crowd gasped, and the security guards began shooting at Stan. Stan said, "The bullets cannot hurt me, they go right through me!" Stan disintegrated into the podium, down into the ground, up one guard's foot, and invaded his brain. He shot the other and then himself, coming out of the security guard's body as he did so.

"Everyone in this crowd will die," said Stan, and he lunged at the crowd of people, going through their chests and ripping out their hearts.

Suddenly more stenchars popped out of the crowd and began attacking. People tried to run, but Stan immediately killed them when they tried. All the humans were dead in a matter of minutes.

Stan stepped over the dead bodies and made his way back to in front of the camera. He said straight into it, "All humans will die."

*****

After that day, Americans were living in fear. There were countless deaths caused by stenchars; in fact, not only could the local news not even report them all, but also the police station couldn't!

The stenchars met absolutely no resistance when trying to kill a human. Once they locked their target in on one, they were as good as dead. Or at least, this was the way it was until their weakness was discovered.

*****

Suzie Wilson was insider her greenhouse one day when she realized that the seeds for her plant were still inside her house. She exited her greenhouse to go back and get it, but when she was midway there, a stenchar blocked her path. Suzie ran as quick as she could back to her greenhouse and locked the door. The stenchar followed her, but didn't go through the wall of the greenhouse and kill her.

It was a mystery, but Suzie didn't waste any time trying to figure it out. She was a quick thinker and called the police with her cell phone.

"I'm in a greenhouse," she said, "and there's a stenchar outside, but for some reason, he hasn't come in to kill me yet. I don't understand why!" Suzie watched as the stenchar sifted underground... "It just went underground," she said. Then, she watched as the stenchar came back above ground inside the greenhouse! "It's inside the greenhouse! It just went underground, then it surfaced again in-" There was a thud as the phone hit the ground.

"Hello?" said the officer on the other line.

The stenchar picked up the phone and said into it, "Eep!"

*****

This case was almost immediately reported to the scientists working on the stenchar problem. They looked over the case and saw only one way it could be possible: stenchars couldn't go through glass. Stentologists figured this was because the molecules of the glass contained some sort of poison to the stenchars.

They tested this in their lab by capturing one with glass and observing it. It stayed in its place.

Because of this remarkable discovery, products such as glass suits and glass shells to surround houses were being sold, and on the black market, glass bullets to kill stenchars. Many humans immediately bought these products, and stenchars found it harder and harder to kill humans. Stan, however, came up with a solution...

Stan had called many of the stenchars together for a meeting that took place underground. He needed to tell the other stenchars a new mthod of killing humans.

"Glass is not indestructible," he said to them. "We need to use the humans' own weapons against them!" He took out a handgun. "This will kill the humans. All humans must die!"

"But Stanley, the handgun won't disintegrate into the ground like us!" said Senator Eepchar.

"Yes... that is a problem," said Stan. "Try to deal with it."

*****

After the people realized that the government was taken over by stenchars, a new government was forming. It, being a Democratic-Republican government, might restore peace to the people, so Stan made it his goal to hunt the Secondary Government of the United States down.

Of course, they all wore glass suits and their homes were covered with glass, so Stan had two options. He could blow up their building with everyone inside it, or he could kill them one by one with a gun. He went with the former.

*****

Stan had shot through the glass shell. The door was locked, so Stan had to leave his gun behind and disintegrated into the building without it.

Stan's plan was to find some sort of flammable substance (like gas), spread it all over the building, and light it on fire.

Strangely, or not strangely, everything in the building was made of glass. The floor was glass, the walls were glass, the ceiling was glass, the desks were glass, the doors, and the glass was glass! However, there was something inside the glass that disallowed you from seeing through walls. The only thing not glass in the building seemed to be pencils and papers, a few boxes, and the door he came in. It was like they wanted him to come here.

He realized there was no way he could blow up a glass building with his old method, so he began walking around, trying to brainstorm a new one, when the president of SGUS greeted him, holding a gun.

"Hello, Stanley," said the president. "I've been expecting you. You're the leader of the stenchars, m i rite?"

"What's killing me gonna do?" said Stan. "There are millions of other stenchars, all here on Earth, all killing people!"

"We want all the stenchars on this planet to leave, or else we'll reveal your ultimate weakness," said the president. "We know about the nerve endings in your shoulders. We know about the special molecule arrangement."

"Oh snippity snap!" said Stan. "How did - Fine...I'll agree with you. I'll tell the others to leave. Right then...I guess I'll be going now."

"What, you think we're that stupid?" questioned the president. "My bullets in here have a thin layer of glass around a ball of mind-controlling solution. You will become out puppet!"

The president fired the gun at Stan, and at the same time, Stan launched himself at the gun, feeling the bullet pass right under his chest. The president fired another bullet at Stan, who was in the air. Stan was knocked back, getting blasted into the floor.

"Call the other stenchars here," said the president. "Tell them this building is made of fake glass, and it is safe to go through. Tell them to go through the building, and kill the president at all costs."

Stan walked toward the door, materialized through it, and as he did, a wall of glass closed over it. The establishment was now sealed off to stenchars.

*****

Senator Eepchar came to the building when he received a ping from Stan. That was a unique capability of stenchars: the ability to alert others up to 100,000 miles away.

Eepchar arrived at the SGUS, along with seemingly thousands of other stenchars. He began telling the stenchars that the building was fake glass and to kill the president inside. Eepchar looked at the building. It certainly looked like real glass...

"GO!" cried Stan. "Kill the president!"

The stenchars began charging toward the building, and Eepchar had to follow. *This could just be some ploy to kill us all*, thought Eepchar. Eepchar, realizing this, had to save his species. There could only be one way. "STOP!" yelled Senator Eepchar. The stenchars stopped charging.

"But why, senator, should we stop?" asked Stan, walking over.

*Something seems strange about Stanley*, thought Eepchar. *I better question him.* "How do you know that's fake glass?" asked Senator Eepchar.

"I...got a tip," answered Stan.

"From who?" asked Eepchar.

"I can't tell you that. This is for me to know and only me to know," said Stan.

Something seemed suspicious, and Senator Eepchar NEEDED to know who gave Stan that tip, if there even was a person. Eepchar decided: he would invade Stan's mind.

Immediately after doing so, Eepchar felt a surge of pain. He felt glass inside of him and wanted to leave. He realized Stan was lying about the "tip" thing, but Stan's own mind was so unclear that Eepchar couldn't understand what actually happened. Then...suddenly, Eepchar was forced right out of Stan's mind!

However, the glass was partially stuck inside Eepchar when he was forced out. Eepchar looked at Stan, and in some kind of explosion, Stan's chest exploded and out came pieces of glass, stenchar blood, and a purple, poisonous liquid. It fell down to earth and evaporated.

"Somebody...get me a helicopter," said Stan.

"Already done, sir," said a stenchar in a helicopter.

"Excellent, said Stan. "Now get out."

Stan got in the helicopter as the stenchar got out. He controlled the helicopter and flew it up into the air, facing the SGUS building. Then he flew straight at it, building up enough speed to destroy the building. He crashed into it, breaking the glass and knocking off the roof. He could see the puny humans below, running from the fearsome helicopter. *All shall die!* thought Stan. The humans decapitated heads, various organs, and blood splattered on the helicopter's windshield. After making a spree through the building forward and back, Stan landed the helicopter.

"Are they gone?" asked Senator Eepchar.

"I'll check," said Stan, and he walked over to the remains of the building. After stepping over a few piles of glass, he saw the president with a shard of glass in him, blood seeping from the wound. He was still clutching his gun, holding it closer than a head to someone's shoulders. However, Stan noticed something: the president was breathing!

Suddenly, there was a gun shot as the president aimed his gun at Stan. Stan dodged it in the nick of time. "That was my last bullet," coughed the president. He slowly got up, removing the shard of glass from his body as he did so.

"What makes you think you can kill all the humans, anyway?" asked the president.

"Ten million stenchars," answered Stan.

"Oh, see, that's where you're wrong," replied the president. "With numerous data sources, and the discovery of the nerve ending in stenchars' shoulders, we've significantly weakened this number...to less than 5,000. All the stenchars here now are the only ones left... and I will kill them all!"

Stan jumped right toward the president's chest, intending to rip out his heart. However, while in the air, the president shot the stenchar, knocking him back.

"I thought you said you ran out of ammo," complained Stan.

"I lied," replied the president.

*****

Eepchar waited and waited for Stan to come back. What was taking him so long? Maybe some glass collapsed on him. Or what if a human survived?

A human emerged out of the ruins, not even wearing a glass suit. He was only holding a gun. This would be easy.

Half the stenchars immediately charged at the human. The president was outnumbered. He would die.

Two thousand stenchars all jumped in the air toward the president's chest at the same time. They all entered it, but none came back out. Eepchar was not one of these; he stayed with the three thousand other stenchars.

"My heart is surrounded by glass," announced the president from the distance. "You cannot kill me."

"Is this guy stupid," whispered a stenchar to another. "We could just shoot him."

"Exactly," said Eepchar. "Stan must have brought one; I'll look for it in the ruins."

Senator Eepchar left.

*****

The president was waiting. He had called for backup ten minutes ago, and he was still waiting. He looked over at the stenchars. He was afraid they might find a way to kill him without attacking his organs.

Then, out of the horizon came four helicopters. They were here. He actually just might live! The helicopters flew over the stenchars, dropping glass bombs on them.

Most of the stenchars died instantly. In only a few moments, there were less than fifty stenchars left.

When the SGUS-FBI were out of glass bombs, they jumped out of the helicopters and shot 'em on the way down. Only one got away; he retreated underground. A little while later he tried to attack the president's lungs, but died when trying to go through glass.

"I think...I think we killed them all," said the president.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang and a flash of light, and a small pool of blood appeared on the president's chest. He was shot through his back. The president fell to his knees and fell to the ground.

*****

After a few weeks of no reported stenchar attacks, the SGUS stored all files on stenchars away and mind-wiped the entire country. If one's loved one was lost to stenchars, they made the person believe that the person never even existed. So some people got orphaned.

Only the top officials knew about stenchars and what they did to the country. The information was stored on a closed-off computer in a maximum security room.

The stenchars on the Moon were devastated by the failed attack. The humans already knew their weaknesses, and there was no way they'd risk another attack now. Though, the stenchars would always remember Stan. They would remember how he gave stenchars the courage to rebel against the humans.

The humans, too, would remember Stan, but not out of respect, but fear. Of course, everyone got mind-wiped, so they all forgot. And with everyone forgetting, the SGUS president's death faded from memory.

No one remembered how he died. No one knew a stenchar still existed on Earth.

Eepchar lives on.


THE END

*credits roll*