Very Evil Special: Past (Featuring Big Tony) (1/19/06 - 2/22/06)


Section 1: Very

Let's go back to a time when Very had hair. When he was eight...and a half.

He was about to go to court with his dad. Wicked burned cities. Very was accused of burning Atlantis. All the local idiots believed him. Even though Atlantis is underwater.

Wicked's lawyer was Big Daddy - the father of Big Tony (he was in second grade at the time). They had been preparing for two months. They had thought of every side, every response, every possibility. They would win that court case.

Very, however, had no clue what was going on. But what would a big-headed child know?

All eight year olds can do is - sorry, eight and a half - talk about space for four minutes.

Anyway, not only did the Evils prepare. Hero and Co prepared too. All they needed to do was convince the judge. But Wicked and Big Daddy had prepared hard too.

So they came in dressed all fancy. They sat down. Very wore his lucky shirt, and Big Daddy ate a lucky sandwich.

They felt lucky. They looked lucky. They smelled lucky. They just had a bad judge.

(Remixed People's Court plays)

"Baliff!" shouted Judge Trudy.

(Record scratches. Music stops.)

"Case opened!" shouted Judge Trudy.

"Well," started Hero and Co...

"You lose, Wicked," stated Judge Trudy. "Bring in the dancing lobsters!"

Big Daddy ran for his life. The dancing lobsters got him and sent him to Pluto.

Wicked was to be executed in four months - on July 4th.

Wicked was taken to a maximum security prison cell. Very was taken to juvenile hall.

Not much more to explain. Why don't I skip ten years into the future, when Big Tony was in twelfth grade and Really in ninth. At this time, Very was transferred to an adult prison.


Section 2: Really

Really was in the hall at school one day when he bumped into a large boy. A very large boy.

"Who are you?" asked Really, picking up his stuff.

"Can't you read," asked the large boy.

Really read aloud what the shirt said. "Tony."

"Big Tony!" said Big Tony. Big Tony snapped his fingers. Four kids came over to him.

They all sang, "Big Tony! Yeah! Big Tony! When he was 14 (14), he got all mean. He started robbing and blowing stuff up. 'Cause he's Big Tony! Big Big Tony. Tony! Big Tony! Yeah! Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, crazy!"

"That was good," said Really.

"Yeah, but you can't join my crew," said Big Tony, "yet. You have to prove yourself." Big Tony pushed Really. He fell onto the ground.

Big Tony laughed. Really jumped up. He pushed Tony.

"Hey!" yelled Big Tony. Big Tony tried to punch Really in the head, but Really crouched, then jumped up and performed a spinning kick.

Big Tony was in pain. But he gathered up all his strength, and managed to create a solid punch at Really's stomach.

This was a bad thing for Big Tony. Because Big Tony punched Really so hard, it caused Really to reflex a punch just as hard. Big Tony fell.

By this time, a bunch of kids were surrounding the two, making noises that sound nothing like kids.

Then the principal came. Really was then in the office, and not Big Tony.

"Do you like beating up obsese kids?" asked the principal.

"No," said Really.

Seemingly out of no where, Big Tony appeared.

"Let him go," said Big Tony.

"What?" asked the principal.

"He proved himself," said Big Tony.

The principal, confused, jumped out the window.

Later on the news, the announcer had the story.

"Principal commits suicide," he said. "We're at the scene right now. He was a good man. He enforced bad rules, but he was a good man."

When Really left school, he saw the news people outside, so he rushed home.

"I'm receiving information from the network. Hold on. Take a bathroom break if you want... Okay, we're back with our top story: IDIOT PRINCIPAL JUMPS OUT WINDOW. Recent news has told me that he jumped from a first story window. LOOK! He's waking up!"

The principal said, "You're on Candid Camera! Ooh! I love saying ooh!"

All the reporters and other people left. The principal asked, "Don't you wanna see where the hidden cameras were?"

Later that night, the phone rang.

"Get the phone!" yelled Really's dad, Not. Not Bad was reading the newspaper article: Idiot Suicidal School Principal Jumps Out Window for Candid Camera.

Really got the phone. It was Big Tony. "Come meet me behind the Zorro Action Figure Factory," he said.

"Okay," said Really. The sun went down.

"Take the garbage out!" shouted Not.

"Okay," said Really. He took the garbage out, but Really did not return inside.

He went to the Zorro Action Figure Factory.

"There you are," said Big Tony. "I was thinking you weren't gonna come."

Really made an expression on his face that meant, "Yeah right!"

"We have to get over that fence and into that courtyard," said Big Tony.

"B-b-b-b-b-barbed wire," said Really. "Noooooooooooooooooo!"

"Don't worry," said Big Tony. "We won't touch it."

Big Tony busted down a door on a bank next to the Zorro factory. "Follow me," he said.

Now this bank was liek, fifteen stories high. And I'm only at like five or six! Anyway, they walked past all the cash and took an elevator.

Once they were on the roof, they could see the courtyard below. Big Tony was tied to a thick rope and was lowered by Really and four other guys. Then the four other guys went home, and Really went down a zip wire handle thing.

Then both Really and Big Tony were in the courtyard. But their celebration was broken when a kitty jumped onto Big Tony.

"Go on without me," said Big Tony. "Here's the TNT to blow this dump." He handed him the TNT.

Really ran into the building. He planted the TNT in a location where a camera wouldn't get suspicious. Yeah, there were only robots in the building.

Really ran out and yelled to Big Tony, "How do I get out of here?"

"There's no way," said Big Tony. "I just want to kill this cat." Big Tony took out a knife.

"No!" yelled Really, and he tackled Big Tony.

"Well if I can't kill the cat, I'll just kill you!" said Big Tony.

Just then, the building exploded. "My nose!" shouted Big Tony, as they landed on the opposite side of the fence. His knife was stuck in his nose.

Then a banjo began to play. Really ran, while Big Tony took the knife out of him.

Really was caught by a spotlight. Big Tony was looking for his nose, but couldn't find it. He was arrested.

Really then looked at the Zorro geeks. They shouted, "It's raining Zorro action figures! Huzzah!" Really laughed as he was taken to jail.

Now let's look at this excerpt from Cops.

"We've spotted the evil people! Ryan Bauldelaire and Brandon Tonyson have blown up this Zorro factory. Let's go get them."

As you can see, no one had a clue what the heck was going on. Except for the principal. But everyone thought he was crazy.

Anyjiangway, let's skip into the future, when Big Tony got all crazy. Which is five years ahead.


Section 3: Big Tony

The only exit out of Big Tony's prison was a skylight.

Big Tony thought of only one thing he could do: sing.

"I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. And every night and every day, I let my dreams fly away. I believe I can fly." Big Tony flew through the skylight. "I believe I can glide. Oh, no! I can't glide! I believe I can fly! (I can fly!) Oh yeah! I can fly! (He can fly!) Touch the sky! I can fly! Every night! Everyday! Fly away!"

The guards were watching the window inside.

"Do you hear music?" asked SG1.

"It's coming from that window!" said SG2.

"He can fly!" yelled SG1. "Get the harpoon gun! I'll get the birdpaper. He won't get the sugar bowl!"

SG2 got a harpoon gun, and SG1 stuck out birdpaper.

It was like a black crow in a pitch black night. There were only two sound: the song and harpoon gun being fired way too many times.

"You're pathetic!" cried SG1. He took the harpoon gun and shot it at Big Tony's stomach. Big Tony fell onto birdpaper.

SG1 came over. "Where's the sugar bowl!"

"Huh?" asked Big Tony.

"No sugar bowl! I'm gonna get you Dewey!"

"I believe I can fly!" cried SG2. "I believe I can touch the sky! Every night and everyday, spread my wings and fly away! I believe I can float! Hey! It's working!" He then fell into the ocean."

"Now to deliver you, Big Tony, back to your jail cell!" yelled SG1.

Now let's skip three years into the future - Cleff was nineteen years old. But at that time, he was not Cleff, but Tim Jones.


Section 4: Tim Jones

Tim grabbed a handful of marshmellows and ate them one by one. He was on his computer, working on security. Someone had hacked into their computer database, and he needed to destroy the hacker's connection, and lock the program.

If you're a hacker, then you know how hard it is.

Tim failed.

That night, there was a robbery. Tim was only banging himself on a wall. The next day, he was down-promoted to nightshift security.

Tim went to work at nine, when the museum was closed. The manager was just about to leave when he saw Tim.

"You are a disgrace," he said.

Tim whispered to himself, "I ate my bread-and-milk."

The assistant manager came up to Tim and said, "We're gonna have a robbery tonight. You better watch your back."

"But I don't take yoga!" shouted Tim.

Tim watched the back door while all the other people who were supposed to be watching it were eating tacos.

"Sorry mate," one of them said. "But this is the forty-first robbery this week. We get used to calling nine-one-one."

"But every person that passes looks so suspicious!" said Tim.

"So what?" said another guy. "There's more important stuff going on. Just read the newspaper. Big Daddy is the first person to walk on Pluto!"

Just then, the electricity went dead.'

"Someone must have fried the power," said a guy. "I'll go turn it back..."

KABOOM!!!

"I've arrived," said the Punctuationinatorkillerman. Let's call him killman for short.

"I Punctuationinatorkillerman, will rob a lot of money tonight!" he yelled.

"The code's 5-1-2-1," said someone who is not with us anymore. He's in Canada.

"Thanks man," he said. "These diamonds and jewels will look so good on...someone I don't know."

Punctuationinatorkillerman left.

"What the heck!" yelled Tim. "You just let him steal!"

"Indeed," said the assistant manager. "Because we all have a little evil deep down! My name is Wicked! Nice to meet you!"

"You're not Wicked Evil, right?" asked Tim.

"Course not!" he said. "Wicked doesn't ever wear a fake mustache!"

"Sir," said Tim, "If you're actually evil, you never reveal your fake mustache."

"But I'm not evil," said Wicked.

"But you let them steal," said Tim.

"Indeed," said Wicked, "because we all have a little evil deep down! My name is Wicked! Nice to meet you!"

"You just said that!" yelled Tim. "Anyone? Wicked is here!"

"Did you just say Wicked is where you are?" said a guy from the ceiling.

"Uh...yes. Yes!" cried Tim.

"Wait! That guy is wearing a fake mustache," said the guy from the ceiling. "He's not Wicked!"

"How dare you accuse me of being Wicked Evil!" said Wicked. "Because I am!" He ripped off his fake mustache.

"Come on! He is Wicked Evil!" said Tim.

"Not gonna fall for it!" said the guy from the ceiling.

"Bye, bye," said Wicked.

"Where are you going?" asked Tim.

"No where," said Wicked. "But you're leaving!"

Just then, a giant portal grew arms and grabbed Tim. "HELP!" he cried.

"Sorry," said Wicked. "But you're not supposed to get out of there until the next episode!"

"But this is a prequel!" yelled Tim.

"Oh," said Wicked. Everything went quiet. Even the music. "Who cares!" he said. The noise began again.

"Nooooo!" cried Tim.

"Hahahaha!" laughed Wicked.

(Kim Possible music plays)

"Hi-Yah!" yelled Kim Possible, firing bazooka shots in random places.

"Impossible!" cried Wicked.

"No," said Kim Possible, "but close."

Kim Possible then began beating Wicked up. Then she left.

(Kim Possible music fades)

"I lost!" shouted Wicked. He began to cry.

"HELP!!" cried Tim.

"Oh yeah," calmed down Wicked. "I still have time to take care of you!"

But by this time, the giant hands that had grabbed Tim had two-hundred fifty-three bazooka bullets in them. They dropped Tim. Tim did a dance.

"How did I lose?" cried Wicked. "This robot will now explode."

KAboomie!

"A fake!" shouted Tim.

Just then, the manager arrived.

"Disgrace!" he shouted. "You didn't even catch the real Wicked! It was just a robot that exploded. You're promoted to assistant manager!"

"Sweet," said Tim.

And so, I have one more story to tell. One year into the future, a tick tried to eat Frankie and Freddy. Roll the footage!


Section 5: Freddy and Frankie

"Make the boat go faster!" cried Frankie.

Freddy ate a sandwich.

Then a donkey came. "I'm magical," said the donkey. "I'm a flying talking donkey now!"

"Seize him!" cried the over-exaggerated knight.

"How did you get here?" asked Frankie.

"We're in the magic part of the Atlantick Ocean," said Freddy.

"You mean...we could see psychic realtors," said Frankie.

"Your house will explode today," said a psychic realtor.

"How do you know?" snapped Frankie.

"I planted the bomb," stated the psychic realtor. The realtor disappeared.

Then a giant tick came.

"FREDDY!!!" cried Frankie. "SPEED UP!!"

Freddy ate another sandwich.

The tick swallowed them. Freddy ate another sandwich. They were then in the tick's stomach.

"I hope you're wearing your lucky underwear," hoped Frankie.

"I am," said Freddy. He took out the free grappling hook that came with the underwear. Then some viruses came.

"We... are... the... viruses," they said.

"Then we'll duel to the death!" cried Freddy, taking out a sword.

"Your underwear came with a free sword too?" questioned Frankie.

A virus and Freddy began to duel. The virus exploded.

"Let's leave!" shouted Frankie.

"All right," said Freddy. "But I first need to retrieve my grappling hook in the intestines of this tick."

Freddy left. Some viruses tackled Frankie.

"HELP!!" cried Frankie.

So let's ignore those cries for help and see some disgusting action.

Warning! By the Legend of Zelda Fan Club, these next scenes have been rated G for disGusting. Thank you!

"Hey look!" shouted Freddy. "Running water!" He then saw a brown island with the grappling hook on it. He jumped in the water and swam over.

"Why is this water yellow?" he wondered. Apparently, he didn't know. He then got out of the water.

Warning over. Please consult your parent before going to the next section.

Freddy made his way out of the intestines and back to Frankie. He took out some viruses and then realized they were about to enter the climax of the story. I mean they were about to be digested.

"Grab hold of me!" shouted Freddy. Frankie did, and Freddy shot the grappling hook at the tick's mouth. The tick opened its mouth, and they were like out of there!

But... I still have two pages left. So let's recap. Sorry for the random pictures. I don't know what I was thinking when I drew that third one.

One year later, Very met Tim and Really met Very and so on, and they all drank superpower juice. Tim got stupid and became Cleff. J, B, and Stu drank it too, and they stopped Very and Really from destroying the world. Then they all lost it because their powers were limited, but Cleff had infinite powers because he had a weird side effect. Then Cleff met Frankie and Freddy, and they defeated Very's evil scheme. J, B, and Stu were freed, and Very's attempt for revenge was foiled. Then Very captured the Narrator. They beat Very once again. Then Very tried getting Cleff's powers. He failed. Then he tried going to the center of the world to destroy the core. He failed. Then Big Tony showed up.

As you can see, Very would get an F for succeeding.

But an A for failing.

Turn to Very Evil's Plot. If you don't have it, turn to book one, page one...dot!